to here: http://amwernz-joyfull.tumblr.com/

bye loves!

New Year’s Resolution. So it is almost an eighth of a year late…I’m working on that as well.

That being said, more to come shortly :)

Several days ago there was mass devastation across the nation of Haiti when an immense earthquake rating 7.0 on the Richter Scale broke loose. Shaking the dirt and flattening the capital, the casualties are somewhere around 100,000 and counting.

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

It is comforting that He knows. He is never surprised. He orchestrates or allows all things in order that He might be glorified.

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Why not here? Why Haiti? Why was my home spared? My family & friends? My life? It is not because He loves me more or less. Faith brings me to say, “it just is.”

Grace. His affections are so great. His grace is so good. In Haiti and in my own life I could not cheapen His grace,  mercy and affections that I cannot comprehend and say anything less than “You alone are Good.”

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

     Listening to David Crowder Band’s song “How He Loves” and looking at pictures of people, both random and who I know doing normal things and living life – rattles me. Thoughts of God expand in my head and I think my heart could pop and my chest burst.  It doesn’t matter what thought we give to Him and what we are doing He LOVES us – perfectly. He is the Perfect Father.

     I know the earthquake was not unexpected and did not throw God for a loop. That among other things that bring death and life and sorrow, heartache, joy, pleasure and laughter – He is aware of it all.

     I wonder how He sees death.

    Picture this: as a child being stung several times by wasps or having your finger slammed in a door. It hurts. It hurts so very badly. And you cry and cry and cry. And you are bruised longer than the initial point of pain. And your mom or dad just hold you. They have deep compassion on you, possibly cry with you, but they just hold you. Their hearts are broken at the sight of what happened and they grieve for you. But they know that it will get better. But they also know there is pain much, much worse. yet they just hold you because it does indeed hurt.

I wonder if He sees it like that.

    When God sees death, unsurprised and planned, I wonder what He thinks. He does indeed see us in pain and in mourning and He does hold us, but He knows this world will not last forever. He knows it is but a bee sting since He has conquered it. He also knows all to very well the pain in it, the heartache, the bruises, the agony – He will not minimize all that death is and how badly it hurts. He wept at the death of Lazarus, He wept over Jerusalem because He knew of what was to come for them. He knows the pain that is unexplainable due to death. But even though so painful death to us to our friends and family, to nations at a time, although unfathomable and never to be minimized especially with human life, it is but a bee sting when compared to death without knowing Jesus Christ.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

“However, as it is written: ‘No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him’”…1 Corinthians 2.9

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

He is jealous for me.

And you. 

I feel unleashed.

I feel undone.

My limbs like noodles, my heart broken and battered. Held up before the Lord in all His purity.

Thank you, Jesus, for raw transformation and conviction of the Holy Spirit.

I am grateful He has drawn me and draws me still.

I am grateful He will not allow me to stay in the trenches of my sin and all that I am.

I am grateful He loves me perfectly.

I am thankful He will not allow me to be anything but more and more like His Son, Jesus Christ.

I am unbelievably and astoundedly grateful.

Be imitators of God; live a life of love; live as children of light and find out what pleases the Lord; expose fruitless deeds of darkness; have nothing to do with the disobedient for God’s wrath comes on them; make the most of every opportunity; always give thanks to the Lord for everything; submit to each other out of reverence for the Lord.

Talking with a sweet friend of mine reminded me that loving God and desiring Him and worshiping Him comes first. I am usually encouraged when I read what Paul has to say to keep on keepin’ on – not that I do any of the commands well – and sometimes not even at all - but to know that loving and desiring God first will spur on the rest of the lists.

Yay…now I pray He teaches me and gives me the power how to live these commands out – or at least continuously reminds me I already have that Power. Double Yay :D

Speaking of Power…

I was away over the weekend and got to relax on Sunday reading Grudem’s Systematic Theology. Reading about the Holy Spirit and the next morning reading Ephesians 3…

I was in awe.

How incredible. That’s all I can say. I feel like I need to go back through the 2 chapters and check out all the Scripture Grudem referenced to make more real the power of the Holy Spirit, who He is in our lives and all that Scripture has to say regarding that. I love Him so much. I cannot get over how Good our God is. It almost seems silly to write that out in a sentence because of how inadequate that describes our God ~kinda like ‘Yhwh’, oh the reverence of His Name. I can’t even put it into words. I feel like my heart and insides could just burst.

Wow.

WOW.

Oh He is so Very Good.

“2 Peter 1.3-15
’3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 11For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
 12Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. 13I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder, 14 since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me. 15And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things.’
Here is the Spurgeon passage:
 
‘…When the Creator gives His creature the power of thirst, it is because water exists to meet its thirst.  When He creates hunger, there is food to correspond to the appetite.  Even so, when He inclines men to pray, it is because prayer has a corresponding blessing connected with it.
 
We find a powerful reason for expecting prayer to be effective in the fact that it is an institution of God.  In God’s Word we are over and over again commanded to pray.  God’s institutions are not folly.  Can I believe that the infinitely wise God has ordained for me an exercise that is ineffective and is no more than child’s play?  Does He tell me to pray, and yet does prayer have no more of a result than if I whistled to the wind or sang to a grove of trees?  If there is no answer to prayer, prayer is a monstrous absurdity, and God is the author of it, which it is blasphemy to assert.  Only a fool will continue to pray when you have once proved to him that prayer has no effect with God and never receives an answer.  If it is indeed true that its effects end with the man who prays, prayer is a work for idiots and madmen, not for sane people!
 
I will not enter into any arguments upon the matter.  Rather, I am coming to my text, which to me, at least, and to you who are followers of Christ, is the end of all controversy.  Our Savior knew quite well that many difficulties would arise in connection with prayer that might tend to stagger His disciples, and therefore He has balanced every opposition by an overwhelming assurance.  Read those words, “I say unto you.” “I”—your Teacher, your Master, your Lord, your Savior, your God—“I say unto you, Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”
 
In the text our Lord meets all difficulties first by giving us the weight of His own authority: “I say unto you.”  Next, He presents us with a promise: “Ask, and it shall be given you” and so on.  Then He reminds us of an indisputable fact:  “Every one that asketh receiveth.”’

~God is so funny. This passage of scripture has come up multiple times from different people over the past three days…awe I love His providence and thankful for He ALONE is all-knowing and all-loving. I am so glad He does not and will never share His glory with another. Not me. Not you. I’m so glad He is on the Throne and that it is for no one else, for no one else is Righteous. No one else is Holy. HOLY. Gosh to think on that word…I’m glad our God, alone, is Holy.

Another passage I keep thinking on is Colossians 3.12-14

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

1 Corinthians 6.9-13

“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders ¹⁰nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Last thought: a little sample of the past week…

Matthew 5.8

“God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.”

:) make our hearts pure, oh God…we can thank Jesus for His cleansing blood.

Ephesians 1:5, NLT 

A sweet friend of mine, actually we will soon be kin – in-laws to be exact, said to me the other day how fun it is to think about what gives God pleasure and to know that it is good to take pleasure in those same things. I really appreciated that perspective. What a neat thing! I’m still learning, and slowly, that God is so very gracious as He gets the glory so often He gives us the joy. What a great God we serve.

Pleasure; what is pleasing to God. We please God because of Christ. How can we possibly boast in anything else? Wow, I’ve got chills. I don’t want my hope or joy or identity to be in or of anything else. Ever.  

Crawl back up on the altar. Die to self. I am first Jesus’. 

Romans 12.1 “Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Another really cool thought – A moment of gratitude and an offering of Praise – I miss my First Love. Earlier that morning I was working on Women of the Word homework, well cramming for the weekend. Good job, I know. But it is during times like those that I really, really miss my Lord. And I praise Him that I have the thought. Even though while reading theology I am learning about Jesus and doctrine, it is NOT His Word; it doesn’t satisfy. Really the best way to describe it would be that I’m thirsty still. And I realize it and this is made real when I pray. And I think, “Wow, Jesus, I miss you.” Even though I’m still learning there is a proximity lacking, a closeness that I long for. It’s encouraging to me because it is a closeness that is familiar and that I have had before. Ah, I’m so grateful. I picture my head being pressed up against His chest and this equating the familiar warmth and nearness I miss – Grudem’s just doesn’t do that for me. Haha yay for real life.

I love His realness. I love His presence. Everywhere. I praise Him that I miss Him. I praise Him that He really is my First Love. I love Dave, my fiance, but it is nothing compared to my love for Jesus. I can’t even make words to explain that. It is just different.

He is to be praised.

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” ~Psalm 73.25&26